i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
