I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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