I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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