My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
