She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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