"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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