you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
