you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
