Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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