can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
