I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
