The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
