i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
