KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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