So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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