I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
