Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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