I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
