dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
She needs sedatives and a leash
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
