I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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