where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
