It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
