Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize