Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
