it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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