Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
wakey wakey hands off snakey
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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