I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just had sex on a roof
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
