Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
