it wasn't lemon gatorade
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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