Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Girls should come with a carfax report
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
