PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
