The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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