this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
