Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
