it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
