my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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