um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
