a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
