Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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