Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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