Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
