if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
