It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize