His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
