Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
