Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
