I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
