Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
