if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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