I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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