I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
