I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
