I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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