I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
