Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
