apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Also, beer. Big fan.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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