ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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