sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
