it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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