Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize