In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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