Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
