maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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