he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
