I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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