I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
