We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
