We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
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