Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
