i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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