i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize