Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
