He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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