she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
And then he peed in my hair
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
