so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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