all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
