don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
