thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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