Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
