he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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